I never raised my boy to be a soldier.

I raised him to be my pride and joy.

Who dares to lay a gun upon his shoulder,

And teach him how to kill another mother's boy.

I never raised my boy to be a soldier.

I brought him up to stay at home with me.

There would be no war today,

if every mother would say;

I never raised my boy to be a soldier.

Written by someone, inspired by Alfred Bryans WWI-song "I didn't raise my boy to be a soldier".

The waiting is the hardest part

Lately, I’ve been having this dream and it keeps coming back to me. I wonder if it’s a message from my unconscious or just… a dream? Anyway, it’s about something I want, like really want, but something I can’t have. Complicated is the word for it. The hardest part, however, isn’t the dream itself, it’s waking up from it, realizing it’s only a dream and not reality. So back to square one for me again it seems…

Sometimes dreams can open your eyes and heart to things and guide you in the right direction. They can strengthen your faith and reveal small parts of your future and your destiny. Unfortunately sometimes, they’re like this dark cloud, haunting you, reminding you when you wake up that dreams are in fact just dreams.

The dream I keep having seems like a message from my unconscious though. But I don’t know if it keeps coming back to me like a pleading from my heart, telling me to fight for what I want or if it’s just teasing me, making me feel stupid because that I don’t and my wanting it in the first place.

So now I’m finding myself at a crossroad. Do I fight, or do I just let go? This uncertainty is driving me crazy, and until I decide which way to go, it’s just like what Tom Pretty sings the waiting is the hardest part…

Oh baby dont it feel like heaven right now

Dont it feel like somethin from a dream

Yeah Ive never known nothing quite like this

Dont it feel like tonight might never be again

We know better than to try and pretend

Baby no one could have ever told me bout this

The waiting is the hardest part

Every day you see one more card

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part

Quattrain 71:

The Moving Finger writes, and having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all your tears wash out a Word of it.

These are words written by Omar Khayyam (1048-1143) who wrote thousands of quatrains in his lifetime. He was best known as a mathematician and an astronomer, but now he is mostly known for his work of philosophical and metaphysical poetry, The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

I've always been fascinated by poetry. Well, all literature for that matter. When I was a kid, the best thing I knew was to cuddle up in the sofa, or in the back of our boat, disappearing into the world of whichever book I was reading. I remember being so sad, or devastated really, when the book came to an end. Often, I would cry, missing the company of the characters I’d gotten to know. The friendships were over and the world I had created was gone, only to be left in my memory. It wasn’t that I didn’t like my own world, like my family and friends and such… I was just longing for something more, something different and yet undiscovered to me. I think it was about that time as well, or no, it must have been a few years later, when I started writing myself. I actually started to write a book, hilarious I know, but still… An 11 year old girl, writing a science fiction book, quite similar to Harry Potter, isn’t that cute? Well, it was a long time ago anyway. I didn’t finish the book though, I got bored (go figure) but I actually started to write a few poems and other, texts, if that’s what I’m to call them.

Anyway, here is my favourite Swedish poem Höstens sista blomma by Edith Södergran

Jag är höstens sista blomma.
Jag blev vaggad uti sommarens vagga,
jag blev ställd på vakt mot nordens vind,
röda flammor slogo ut på min vita kind.
Jag är höstens sista blomma.

Jag är den döda vårens yngsta frö,
det är så lätt att som den sista dö;
jag har sett sjön så sagolik och blå,
jag hört den döda sommarens hjärta slå,
min kalk bär intet annat frö än dödens.

Jag är höstens sista blomma.
Jag har sett höstens djupa stjärnevärldar,
jag skådat ljus från fjärran varma härdar,
det är så lätt att följa samma väg,
jag skall stänga dödens portar.

Jag är höstens sista blomma.

A love game

I wanna kiss you
But if I do then
I might miss you babe
It's complicated and stupid
Got my ass squeezed my sexy cupid

Guess he wants to play,
Wants to play
A love game
A love game (...)

Let's play a love game,
Play a love game
Do you want love or you want fame?
Are you in the game?

Watch Lady Gaga's video of A Love Game here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLMJvVdS1go

Dating. This awkward subject I rather not talk about, but hey, lets do it. Love games, like a maze, do’s and don’ts, rules, confusion, excitement, misunderstandings, heaven or hell.

I find that dating nowadays comes with a bunch of rules, and if you don’t follow them then you’re out of the game. I mean, we all know about the three day rule, right? That is if a guy doesn’t get in touch with you after three days, well, then he’s just not that in to you. However, this is just one of the simple ones… Lets talk about text messaging. Seriously, it’s more like a science these days! Should I type, xo, or x, or xx, or just "have a nice day"? Gaah! Boring! I completely suck at this game, and it’s for one simple reason: it bores the hell out of me. What fun is it to follow rules and play the game like you're supposed to? To do as everyone else does?

What happened to those spontaneous phone calls? Texting in the middle of the night just to wish a good night, or turning up on one’s doorstep, unplanned, with a bottle of wine and two glasses? Nowadays, you can’t be all that spontaneous and “out there” because then it’s seen as though you’re coming on too strong. As I said… Boring!

At the same time though, I’m the most impatient person I know. I want everything to happen at once… Guess that’s also why I’m always a few minutes late – I absolute hate waiting, standing with nothing to do.

As I said before, I’m a restless soul.

The Secrets of the Future

This is my forecast for wednesday 27 May 2009.

Aquarius: Others might be comfortable being ordinary, but that's not you. You strive to be the best, always...

Sometimes the shoe fits, sometimes it feels childish and far-fetched. I haven't really wrapped my head around horoscopes that much. Still, isn't it a little bit funny when it feels as though your forecast is actually directed right to you? Sometimes it can open up you mind and your heart and you can acknowledge feelings you didn't think you had, or skills you forgot about. This one actually speaks right to me. My greatest fear is to be ordinary, to be forgotten about or just simply... grey.

Even though it has got its privileges not to be ordinary, it's occasionally rather tough. If you think you're good at something, then why can you not say it out loud? If you really like something about yourself, then why should you feel it's not worth telling everyone? "The Swedish mind" so to speak, and the Swedish "Jantelag" forbids you to elevate yourself, to say "Hey, I'm great and I'm proud of myself!". I think that’s bullocks! It's ridiculous, conservative, narrow-minded and egoistic. It only shows of low self-esteem not to let others feel great about themselves and tell the world they do so. I mean, what's it to you anyway if I'm proud of my accomplishments, liking my looks and am high-achieving? It doesn't take the greatness out of you work, or diminish your looks. It just let us be who we are and make it alright to proudly say "I'm fucking fabulous and I'm loving it".

I'm not arrogant and I’m surely not all that full of myself (well, sometimes I guess I am, but honestly, it's quite fun) and I'm not saying this to upset anyone. All I'm asking is that more people would go with their heads held high, not letting anyone else step on their toes, be confident and proud of themselves. And go with a big smile and a twinkle in their eyes and have the right so say: I'm just as smart as Albert Einstein, better looking than Aphrodite herself, richer than Bill Gates and wiser than Aristotle ever was.

Who are you telling them not to?

Our time

If it was up to me, this would be our time.
If I were to choose, from this moment on, I would call you mine.

Time comes – days, hours and seconds go.
Everything I can do is to hold on and to say no.

No, life is too short, don’t hesitate on me.
No, don’t falter on us, we can always be who ever we want to be.

Although, if only in my heart and dreams,
it is you, and you alone who understands me it seems.

Please believe, and you will see the glory of our love.
Please have faith, and let us be a couple people are in awe of.

For a mere moment it feels as though there is no doubt.
For a mere moment I forget what impossible is all about.

Becoming an us

If only…

Time would not go by so fast, leaving me here, hanging on for hope.
Hope for a better day, for returned love, for fairy tales and happy endings.
This ending – bittersweet, melancholic, and an abrupt halt to what might have been.
What might have been with you and me, what might have become an us.

My love…

For you is confusing and unexpected, yet at the same time more than welcome.
Although, welcoming you in into my heart and soul might be something I later will regret.
But still, they say it is far better to have loved and lost, than to have never ever loved at all.
Fairy tales and happy endings… Hope for a better day, for a brighter future.
Will the future hold hope for us? Will our past include memories of us?

If you were to choose…

Would you leave me behind or would you fight every battle ahead with your head hold up high?
Would you be realistic and see every obstacle coming our way or would you remain passionate and convinced that all we need is a strong faith to conquer every hindrance?
Would you have your head among the clouds, your feet steadily on the ground, and me for always in your heart?

Maybe…

This is it.
This is our fairy tale and happy ending.
We just have to hold on to it, not letting it slip away.
Maybe we have to create our own happiness, you and me, finally becoming an us.

Restless soul

It's said that people always leave. But is that really true? Well, not in my case anyway. Lately I’ve found myself to be the one who's leaving. I'm always on the go, moving places, travelling the world. And the question that's coming back to me more often these days is weather I'm actually searching for something new, or in fact running away… I’m the curious type, a girl eager to learn and discover new things, but what if that’s an excuse not to let people in, to feel it’s okay to feel secure and to feel harmony and peace.

This time feels somewhat different than before though. Here, I feel at peace. Here, I feel at home. And yet, I’m moving again, leaving important things behind. Important relationships with people who are very precious to me and with whom I’m actually a bit lost.

Life is taking its course on its own and I’m not behind the steering wheel anymore it seems.

Älska de du kan.
Rör vid de du kan nå ut till.

- Låt de andra gå.

Never think about how you long
For then you will become deaf to all else
And then you cannot hear the beautiful song